Tips for How Introverts Can Make Small Talk Less Painful

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As introverts, we usually dread small talk. It’s awkward, sometimes forced, and just flat out boring. And don’t forget about the anxiety that builds up when you fear you’ll run out of things to say.

 

I mean, how long can you really schmooze for?

 

We all know how it goes. We make eye contact for a split second and rapidly look away to avoid further eye contact or a possible conversation starter.

 

Why do Introverts hate small talk so much?

 

It’s not that introverts don’t like people, they actually enjoy rich relationships and meeting new interesting people – they just dislike small talk mainly because it’s draining and they find it meaningless. Introverts are more deep, internal processors so they enjoy a much deeper conversation over a superficial, “The weather is terrible lately” talks. They prefer to know more about you and what makes you tick than just chit chatting about meaningless things just to avoid awkward silence.

 

But, in this day and age, we’re constantly in situations where we need to shoot the breeze. In line at the grocery store, with other parents at your child’s school or activities, with co-workers and customers, events like dinners or parties. Unfortunately, we can’t lock ourselves inside and avoid them all.

 

A better idea is to be a little more prepared for those awkward scenarios so you can feel more confident when those little chit chats come about.

 

Learning a few techniques can lessen the excruciating pain of having to deal with the dreaded small talk and boost your confidence so you come off more sharp and cordial.

 

Relax

Small talk most likely gives you some anxiety, so be easy on yourself and remind yourself it freaks you out because of things that have happened in the past, not necessarily what’s going to happen this time or every time for that matter.

Sometimes we work ourselves up because we think of worse case scenario and what others will think about us if we do or say something they might think is weird.

Something that has really worked wonders for me – as someone who used to ruminate and stew over every single thing I said and what that person might have thought about it or if I looked like an idiot – is reminding myself others opinions of me is none of my business. We’re not always going to hit it off or mesh with everyone, so give yourself a break and relax and just be you, you never know who will be drawn to the genuine you.

 

Ask Questions

People love talking about themselves (not us introverts, but most people), so a good trick is to ask the person you’re engaged in small talk with about themselves. You can make it meaningful by getting to know more about someone and what they do, what they like, if they’re married, have kids, go to the gym, etc. You never know what kind of connections you can make so have an idea of basic questions you can always ask someone you’re chit-chatting with and then build on it from there. The more they start sharing the more you might realize you have in common or genuinely are interested in what they have to say.

 

Go Deeper

The typical, “How are you doing? is usually followed by a “good, thanks” or “I’m fine.”  Next time this happens try going into just a little more detail. If someone asks, How was your weekend? Instead of just saying it was good elaborate a little more and say something like, I was really nice, we finally got a chance to take our road bikes out for a ride. We went all over town, stopped at (name that place) for lunch and wound up doing just under 10 miles. My legs are pretty sore today though!

See how this can get people curious and you never know, they can have similar interests and share a story of their own, now that small talk turns into more a meaningful conversation where you’re getting to know someone.

 

Look for Signs

As introverts we’re often misunderstood and thought of as being snobby or uninterested, so look for indications that people may be getting the wrong impression or that you may be getting too intense about a topic (we’re very passionate about certain things!). If someone seems like they’re getting a little antsy or repeatedly looking around know that’s your cue to cut back a bit.

Be sure to have a warm and genuine smile going when you’re at a social event so people don’t get the wrong impression that you’re unapproachable or not willing to engage in an interesting chat with.

 

Be Easy on Yourself

Let’s be honest, sometimes social interactions are just as bad as getting a tooth pulled, but keep in mind it’s definitely not the end of the world even if it doesn’t go the way you hoped for.

As an introvert, you are an internal processor and can think very deeply about something so it’s easy for you to linger on or overthink the situation to the point where you get upset, angry, anxious or flustered.

Cut yourself some slack and try not to overanalyze every little thing that happened, or that could happen. More than likely the people you’re interacting with are feeling just as nervous, or thought maybe they said something wrong or were also trying to find things to talk about.

Never go by what’s happening externally, everyone has something they’re nervous about or feel uncomfortable doing or struggle with, but won’t necessarily show it.

 

Be Honest

There’s a difference between being rude or disrespectful and just being authentic and genuine. There’s something about honesty that attracts people and allows them to relax. Using your authenticity to deepen the conversation opens up a whole new door of opportunity.

Maybe just tell someone you’re introverted and you don’t often come to these kinds of events because you tend to get overwhelmed. Or if someone asks your opinion about a topic and you’re not really into it just say it! I’m not too interested in that myself but it’s cool to hear about your experience.

 

Find a Takeaway

No matter what happens or how the situation goes you can always learn something new. What can you do a little different next time? What will you never do again? What felt good and you’d like to stick to that?

No matter how far you’ve come in our personal journey you’re always going to be learning more and more about yourself, your traits, your habits, your likes and dislikes and the only way for that to happen is to experience them.

 

Try some of these tips out the next time you have something coming up that you know you’ll have to mingle with some new people or people you don’t know so well and see how differently it goes. Being prepared and having tools to give you some confidence and set you up for success is key.


Are you feeling like you're totally absorbed in your thoughts that have just taken over? Do you feel alone and like no one gets it or understands?

If you answered yes, then you might just be a highly sensitive introvert who is overloaded with internal processing and thinking patterns, but just don't quite get how to handle it all.

Not being aware of your introverted or highly sensitive personality type can put a damper on your self-esteem, decrease your sense of worthiness, cause tons of overwhelm, and just flat out make you feel like there's something "wrong" with you.

The first step towards to moving forward with your struggles is to get a better understanding of your personality type, so let's grab a virtual cup of coffee and I'll help you gain some clarity and figure out some steps to get you feeling more confident in yourself!

Go HERE to set up your complimentary 30-minute personality type call now! I'm so excited and can't wait to talk, it's going to be awesome!

Ways Highly Sensitives and Introverts Can Lessen the Effect That Other’s Actions Has on Them

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As highly sensitive and introverted people we can easily let other’s actions, words, and body language affect us in negative ways.

I used to be extremely consumed by other’s opinions about me.

What I said, what I liked, what I wore, WHY I did something. As a child, I was a giant ball of shyness and anxiety. I barely spoke to other kids in class because I thought nothing I said would be valued.

 

Being an introvert and an HSP I'm a natural observer. I’d pay close attention to others, what they said, how they acted, what they wore and when I did the comparison I just didn’t match up. So that lack of self-worth wound up shining through when I would talk because I devalued myself beforehand and I just came off as insecure and awkward. If someone laughed at what I said or seemed like they were giving me a look of judgment I’d shut down and replay everything over and over again in my mind wondering why I was such a weirdo!

This poured over into future instances and I became more and more affected by how others acted and perceived me, even if it was just in my head.

 

Sounds like a terrible and stressful way to live huh?


 

Take a look at some negative effects this type of thinking causes:

 

  • Insecurities with speaking up for yourself
  • Closes you up and you feel wrong for voicing your opinion
  • Feel like you’re wrong for feeling the way you do
  • Self-sabotaging thoughts that lead to anxiety and self-doubt
  • Prevents you from sharing yourself and things you enjoy because of some people’s lack of understanding of who you are or your fear of being misunderstood
  • Limits what you allow into your life and you wind up missing opportunities
  • Makes it harder to truly connect with people
  • Depression
  • Lack of self-esteem and self-worth

 

Let me just make a point here and remind you that we’re not “curing” you of your sensitivity or introvertness, these are traits you’re born with and you don’t just get rid of them or undo them, you learn ways to manage them while you build up confidence in the person you are and on your strengths as an HSI.

 

Ways to decrease the effects others have on you

 

Have an understanding of who you are and your personality type

The better understanding you have about your unique personality type, the better prepared you’ll be when you encounter people who don’t get you. You’ll gain more confidence in who you are and will be able to focus on the good you can do in this world and the strengths God has blessed you with.

 

Understanding that not all people will understand you

You were made differently, and that’s ok. Everyone is different in some way, shape, or form. It doesn’t lessen your value or opinion because someone doesn’t agree or get it. That’s why there chocolate and vanilla and about 100 more flavors of ice cream, not everyone enjoys the same stuff.

I once read that throughout your life 25% of the people you meet won’t like you. Sometimes we just don’t mesh with people, it’s not a reason to devalue yourself and who you are because of it. It’s better to put your focus on the 75% who DO rather than the 25% who don’t!



Remember Whose you are

You’re a child of God, The Most High and he made you perfect in His image.
I often repeat Romans 8:31, “What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us?” I change us to me so it’s God speaking directly to me. Pretty comforting, right?

If He’s not judging you, you shouldn’t be concerned about someone else who can’t hold a candle to your beloved Lord.


Write it down

Write out situations that have happened and how you felt or reacted. What feelings were you experiencing? In what ways did your emotions cause you to react?  

Then, go back and ask yourself are these things true? Should I have let them get to me on such a deep level? What ways can I do this differently next time something like this comes up?

List out your old and new ways of dealing with that situation.


Ask yourself

Why am I bothered by it so much that it affects me to the point that I feel bad about myself and am fearful of expressing myself?

What is my worst fear that could come true that’s preventing me from being myself or saying or doing something I want but am fearful of being judged? What would happen if it did come true? How could you make the situation lighter so you could see if differently and be able to move on?

 

These steps are actual steps I’ve used during my journey as a highly sensitive introvert. It hasn’t always been sunshine and rainbows, and there are still times it’s not, but having a better sense of who you are, your personality type and some things to stop and think about are big keys to success and living a more happy and fulfilled life being who you are!

 


Feeling like you're totally absorbed in your thoughts that have just taken over? Do you feel alone and like no one gets it or understands?

If you answered yes, then you might just be a highly sensitive introvert who is overloaded with internal processing and thinking patterns, but just don't quite get how to handle it all.

Not being aware of your introverted or highly sensitive personality type can put a damper on your self-esteem, decrease your sense of worthiness, cause tons of overwhelm, and just flat out make you feel like there's something "wrong" with you.

The first step towards to moving forward with your struggles is to get a better understanding of your personality type, so let's grab a virtual cup of coffee and I'll help you gain some clarity and figure out some steps to get you feeling more confident in yourself!

Go HERE to set up your complimentary 30-minute personality type call now! I'm so excited and can't wait to talk, it's going to be awesome!

5 Signs You’re Overthinking and How You Can Stop It

Introverts and highly sensitive people process everything internally, which means we most likely overthink way more things than we’d care to admit.

Here are 5 signs you’re overthinking and doable ways to put a stop to it, or at least lessen the amount of time you spend doing it.

 

#1 - Feeling Tense

Do you find yourself tensing up and feeling anxious when you’re thinking about things that make you stressed out or uncomfortable?

When a highly Sensitive Introvert’s mind races around and loops all different scenarios that could possibly happen or some way something could go wrong, your body naturally tenses up.

Your shoulders will wind up at your ears, your face in contorted in a way that either looks angry or constipated, and your teeth are clenched. These things aren’t ideal, so it’s in your best interest bring awareness to when you’re feeling this way, nip it in the bud and find ways to distract yourself.

Why Highly Sensitive Introverts Need Personal Space and How to Co-Exist with Others Who Don’t Understand

As highly sensitive introverts we’re programmed in a way that makes people and social encounters overstimulating and energy draining – usually during prolonged periods, but some may feel it in general.

 

Why Highly Sensitive Introverts Need Personal Space

Highly Sensitive Introvert's energy is drained from being around people, mainly larger groups, and require time alone in peace and quiet to recharge.
This is the opposite of an extrovert who gains energy from people and social situations.

Feeling Drained? 9 Ways to Add in Alone Time as a Highly Sensitive Introvert

As a highly sensitive introvert, I require my share of alone time to recharge and feel like I'm my best self. Taking time away and carving out time to just be alone and retreat is something I need regularly in my life to renew my energy, relax and clear my head, and do the things I enjoy doing solo. 

There have been times when life has gotten busy and crazy and I couldn't take my much needed "me time" and boy does it show! I feel drained, I'm moody and cranky, short-fused and irritable, and I even feel a little bummed out and depressed. 

No good.