I was weeding my flower bed yesterday and started thinking. Pulling weeds and roots out is very similar to problems and underlying issues in our lives.
Have you ever struggled with something for a really long time with zero change in the outcome?
I know I have!
When I was battling bulimia I would never come to terms with the fact that I had an eating disorder or that it was a result of something deeper than just not having the willpower to resist forbidden food.
What was really happening was my hatred for my body and myself was coming out in a way that was destroying my body and my mind without me even realizing it.
I thought if I could just follow and stick to this week's diet I'd lose a few pounds and all my problems would be solved and go away.
I wasn't losing the weight. I wasn't decreasing the binging and purging incidents from happening. I wasn't taking care of the REAL issue that was going on.
I was trying to pull out the weed on the surface and wasn't digging deep in the soil to pull out the long, tangled root that wove its way throughout the dirt.
I was just pulling the part I saw out and praying it'd just go away!
That wasn't the case.
After I acknowledged what I was really doing to myself and my body, I decided I NEEDED to do some deep work to get to the bottom of this mess.
Nothing was changing.
I dug down really far to pull out the root, which was my lack of confidence.
I didn't like myself. I judged everything I said or did. I never felt good enough or smart enough. I thought the only way people would like or respect me was if I was skinny, more educated or a "cool" person. I didn't feel successful or that I was capable of living the life I envisioned for myself for a really long time.
All these negative beliefs about myself became rooted so deep that they were hidden behind an eating disorder, a bad attitude and a crappy view of myself and everything around me.
Having all these beliefs, feelings, and emotions come to the surface was a huge milestone in my life. I was able to stop hiding and stuffing down what was truly going on. I was able to understand why I was always feeling bad about myself and why I didn't feel I was good enough so I could actually work on changing it all.
It wasn't a one and done type situation. It was small steps I took over time that literally changed my life. Lies I told myself and warped ways I looked at situations began to get less destructive and I found I was a lot easier and less judgmental on myself.
Putting some time and effort into yourself to uncover the root cause of your big issues, insecurities, or circumstances is what you NEED to weed out those big, nasty roots that are negatively affecting your life and your relationship with others (and yourself), and to change the things that keep happening over and over again when you only scratch the surface of the issue.
Try something you haven't done before, and stick to it.
Journaling is a really great way to get a lot of hidden thoughts out of your head. It doesn't have to be anything extravagant. I usually open a google doc and just "dump" out everything on my mind without worrying about spelling, grammar or who's going to see it. It's my personal thoughts and they always reveal something deeper than I thought–sometimes it's something completely different that gets uncovered that I wasn't even expecting.
You could try whatever feels comfortable for you. Open a blank doc and let loose, you can even delete it afterward if it makes you feel better!
As long as you recognize the big issues that arise. Or you can buy a colorful and fun journal and write out your thoughts. There's no rules, whatever works for you.
The only way you're going to get to bottom of what's really going on it to uncover it, then you can begin to acknowledge it and take the needed steps to work on changing it.
If you've noticed you're holding yourself back from something you really want to do, no matter what it is, I can give you some tips on how to see a light at the end of the tunnel and some ways you can begin to takes some actionable steps towards whatever you've been dreaming of doing, but are currently missing out on. If you are a late bloomer, feel like you missed your chance, or feel your dreams and visions are impossible - then click here! xoxo