Self-talk can impact your confidence and how you act or interact with yourself and with others around you.
If it's NEGATIVE self-talk, it causes you to view everything negatively and feel like everything and everyone is out to get out or is against you.
It causes stress, anxiety, hopelessness, and depression.
Sadly, it's very common for women to be harder on themselves than they should be.
It begins to become VERY EASY to believe the negative things we say to ourselves because we say them so much that they become our reality.
This is such a damaging way of thinking–it can hurt you and your self-esteem and self-worth, it can affect your social life and how you interact with family and friends and it can be toxic for your relationships when you're constantly hating on yourself to your significant other. You wind up pushing them away because you think that THEY ALSO think the same negative things about you.
NOT GOOD, MY DEAR!
So, you're probably wondering... where do I even start?
Well, first and foremost you need to realize this is a process. You're beginning to reprogram and shift your negative thoughts and outlooks into more positive, empowering ones.
This way of thinking, most likely, has been with you for a very long time. Knowing right at the gate that there's no magic pill to instantly fix this will set you up for success much easier and allow you to go through the process of making lasting changes.
Are you with me?
S.T.O.P. Yes, stop!
Mentally tell yourself to stop thinking this thought. Even if it's brief. This will cause and interrupt in the negative cycle.
Remember, negative thoughts lead to MORE negative thoughts. And just the same, positive thoughts lead to more positive thoughts.
Interrupting them and allowing yourself to think even just one positive thought will begin the process of shifting the continuation of bad thoughts, allowing a break in the cycle and a new pattern to begin.
The next part of this step is to OBSERVE what it is you're thinking about or saying to yourself.
Then ask yourself– How is this making me feel?
Crappy? Like a failure? Inadequate? Like nothing good with ever happen to you? That you're not good enough?
These are defeating thoughts and the ones we HAVE TO shift.
Let's challenge the thoughts!
Sit back. Ask yourself– How is this thought serving me?
If it's not, it's time to think about WHY and some ways you can begin to interrupt this negative pattern.
What other ways can I look at this right now?
If I were in a better mood or being more positive, how would I see this then? (With self-esteem-if things were going your way how would you be acting? What would you be thinking? Would it be more positive?)
FLIP the situation. What would you say to a friend or loved one who was saying this? Would you be answering them with the same nonsense you're rolling around in your brain?
Example: If they said to you–"I'm not as good as her." What would you say? Would you agree or would you say something like, "You can't compare yourself. You're two DIFFERENT people with different circumstances. It's a complete waste of time."
This is when you're able to view a negative or non-ideal situation as not permanent or personal.
For example: Saying, "I'm a failure." You can say instead, "I can keep trying and doing the best I can. It's OK to not be perfect and I can learn from all my mistakes." Or, "What is it that I'm missing or can do differently?"
Basically, you're completely switching around your negative thoughts and self-talk into positive ones; ones that actually serve you and inspire confidence. This gives you a better outlook and gets out of the cycle of going right to self-defeating thoughts.
Nothing good ever comes out of them, so why continue with them?
Am I right? Or am I right?
So, be easy on yourself and allow yourself to be human, not perfect. We're never going to reach this level of perfection we hold so high in our heads.
Like I mentioned earlier, these are steps to add into your life every. single. day. This isn't one and done, and anyone who promises that is giving you false hope. Just like the ads for lose 20 lbs in 5 days. UNREALISTIC.
We live in a world where we all want instant gratification. We want results now. We don't want to do the work t reach our desires.
At the end of the day, these changes are FOR YOU. They're not for anyone else. The only benefit others will get is a more confident and happier version of you. That's it!
Start small. Little changes at a time. Otherwise, it gets overwhelming and you'll get frustrated and want to give up or think you're not doing enough.
You're worth it. xoxo
Kristy Victor is a Transformational Life Coach helping women get UNSTUCK, shift negative mindsets, + gain confidence to chase their dreams so that they can effectively co-create a powerful plan for success living a life full of passion, abundance, and freedom.